I hate the artificial gender roles and power associated with sex in our society. It really pisses me off to think that men have to be a certain way, women have to be a certain way, masculinity means a small list of attributes which men need to sign up to in order to be accepted and women have their own list, and there isn't supposed to be any sharing.

And all this bollox about increasing gender equality - what about gender role-equality? - really is an attempt by some people to iron over the issues and just back up a system that already doesn't work. It's really, really frustrating.

So, why is this getting to me now? Well, just a tiny anecdote really, but I think it has implications much wider than just the setting in which it occurs. It is also inextricably linked to my sexuality and personal view of myself, and the power of the individual and their right to expression.

I am currently working on an estate in North London in an area with absolutely no local provision for the local children and young people, and massive social problems of petty criminality and an area which is being ignored by everyone, which is leading to a feeling of unease for the whole community. Children and young people are increasingly seen as the enemy and adults increasingly put themselves in the position of policing. Of course, the social implications of this situation in itself is wide-ranging and I feel clearly shows a lack, by decision-makers, to work for truly sustainable communities where everyone is included. It's a picture that is copied many times in areas around the country and is, I feel, creating a climate of mistrust and potentially a form of working class revolution the like of which we haven't seen in this country to a significant extent since the massive Poll Tax revolts.

Anyway, back to my local estate. It was generally seen as one of the toughest estates in the area and there are significant problems for the local community to overcome. (Interestingly - apologies for veering off again - but I couldn't find the estate and had to get on a bus. I asked the bus driver if he knew where it was, at which he just grunted. A local 15-year-old promptly offered to help me find it coz he was going to the area. Community spirit really isn't as dead as some people will have you believe).

So I sat down with a group of these children from the local estate - all around the 8-11 years age range - and did some art on the theme of their local area. One young person in the group, a young boy of about 8 years of age, decided he wanted me to draw my name in graffiti, which I did, and then asked me to draw his name in graffiti below it. He then promptly coloured it all in and added his own finishing touches - two tiny words being 'for' and 'to'. They fitted around both our names and produced the final product of 'to Steven, from Jake' (name changed). I thought that was so sweet and lovely and really proved - if proof was needed - that these children really were caring people and just needed a bit of support.

Immediately, however, I felt a sense of guilt. This was a boy, I am a male worker, caring and stuff like that is really poofy and actually this was all a bit sad. For God's sake, I am a poof and I strongly believe that children and young people need to be shown support and caring - and love - as much as possible. However I got into the stupid mind-trap of believing it wasn't a male role to show caring in this way - even from a child - and immediately severed myself. How bloody mad! How nuts! And, when I thought about it a bit, worryingly I recognised that when Jake is a couple of years older, he will think the same too. His friends will find it inappropriate for him to act in such a way and he will, likely, take on the masculine trait of not showing caring, taking out a potentially massive part of his personality.

If there's one thing the situation taught me, it's that I shouldn't sever myself in this sort of way again, if for no other reason than it directly affects me. As a homosexual man, I have also built up a camp-acting attitude. I enjoy camp and have fun whilst doing it. I also know that lots of other people get fun out of it and it is generally a nice approach to life, as long as it is appropriate. By reinforcing gender roles, I am explicitly condoning discrimination against me for who I am, and severing other people's enjoyment of my personality, and I have a big problem with it. I am condoning a world which doesn't tolerate me or other people's full expression of their personality, and as someone totally committed to social justice I find this utterly despicable and work against it in most of my life. I also want children and young people like my little friend, Jake, to understand that it is OK to be who you are and that you shouldn't have to apologies to anyone for who you are.

I certainly have interesting personality traits that I don't even know about and need to explore and see if they fit with my general outlook on life. I guess I am committed to changing myself for the positive and the first thing to do in relation to this is to recognise the issues I do have. Wish me luck in trying to look at this and other issues more :-). And commit yourself to change too!

steven

Comments:

You write so beautifully and with so much compassion, intelligence and sincerity that I can't help but like you very much

stuee-avfc

# posted by  Anonymous : 8:43 pm

 

you make a very good point. The roles are the same here in the USA. In fact the other day i was watching a show where some actors went out with a hidden camera and played out scenarios and taped how people reacted. One of these scenarios included a Woman verbally abusing her child. The actors who were playing out the situation were surrounded by a large group of men playing golf. The camera showed the men looking on with somewhat blank looks on thier faces but doing nothing at all. Later the group of men were intervied about the incedant. Alot of the men say that while they really wanted to help they were inhibited by the social restictions. One of the men said "I did not want to be THAT GUY"*You as a guy should be able to decifer what that means*

BTW were not all dead inside that is just a stupid*although interesting generalization.*

# posted by  Bryan : 4:06 am

 

Steven, I'm very touched by reading all of your blog entries. You are a lovely man, of great thoughtfulness, compassion and gentleness. Your kids, your family and friends are lucky to have you around.

Gerry-greenly

# posted by  Anonymous : 1:19 pm

 

Post a Comment